20/02/19

I woke up in the early hours again. I managed to go back to sleep for a little while. Sleep is becoming a precious commodity already!

My dad, mum and I were all down stairs by 9am. Sitting around the breakfast table, struggling to come to terms with the whirlwind that we had just enveloped our lives (and would continue to do so for some time).

The atmosphere in the house was strange. A rather odd mix of eerie and sombre. A telling sign of the change that had taken place in our lives during the last few days.

Dad read the paper and did the crossword. Mum buzzed around the kitchen. I sat there, mostly, just staring at my dad. With unanswerable questions and upsetting thoughts running through my mind.

How much longer would I be able to simply lay my eyes on him?

What symptoms and hardship lay ahead for him to have to battle?

How is he feeling? If I feel sick, scared and broken. How the hell does he feel?

One thought that continuously ran through my head and failed to tire of doing so, in a Mo Farahesque fashion, was THE word.. Cancer!

‘He has Cancer’. I couldn’t shift it. It wouldn’t go away. When it did, it was only for a short time.

Dad went up to shower and get ready. It was a glorious day weather wise. So, we decided we would go for a walk in a local country park and then head somewhere for lunch.

Whilst dad was upstairs and mum continued to potter around the kitchen, I hoovered the living room.

Whilst hoovering, I had potentially my worst break down to date (certainly a top 3 contender anyway). As I ran the hoover around I just could not stop the tears from rolling freely from my eyes and down my cheeks. Ironically, I thought, I probably could have filled the Hoover Dam.

We left the house, drove to the country park and went for our walk. It was beautifully sunny but the wind was bitterly cold. So we stuck to the sheltered path.

The walk was nice, fresh crisp air, away from the atmosphere that had been in the house earlier on in the day. Still, it was very difficult, near on impossible, to block it, that word. Out!! We were in picturesque surroundings, yet all I could think about was, he has Cancer!

I have to work on that. I promised myself that I would. As, if I spend the time we are together with those thoughts, I will not be in the moment or be able to enjoy the time we have. And that will ultimately lead to regret further down the line. That is something I most certainly do not want to happen!!

We left the park and headed out for lunch. It was a pleasant lunch. For whatever reason, I found it easier, to put it to one side and block it out whilst we were at the restaurant. A welcome hiatus from the mire.

We left and headed round to Asda to grab some bits for the evening. The Brit’s was on. It was a decent show. Hard at times. The reasons for this were two fold.

Firstly, music. Music can be tricky at times as it can be so emotive. Lyrics can be so relatable and twisted into having a meaningful significance to whatever you are dealing with in life at that time.

Secondly, it was evening time. 7-10pm are at present the most difficult time of the day. The emotions become harder to suppress. Perhaps because you get ground down by that point in time, due to the consistent battle during the day. It becomes so much harder to keep it under lock and key during this particular phase of the day.

There were some excellent performances during the show. Jess Glynns performance especially stands out as a striking and meaningful one. Especially when compared to that utter shite that George Ezra spouted out. I hate that song!!

21/02/19

5am 😢.

Downstairs at around 9am. The three of us discussed the situation. How we felt. What needed to be done from a functional and logistical stand point. Bearing in mind the old pair spend their time between Spain and North Wales. The treatment would be taking place in Maidstone, Kent, 25 minutes from my home. Therefore, accommodation would need to be sourced.

I put forward that we should discuss the situations, how we felt and be open about our emotions in the morning around the breakfast table. But. Once we got to 11am, we should as best we can park that kind of chat. Otherwise, it would dominate the days and give them a downbeat feel. We needed to enjoy ourselves as best we could as well!!

We set about the task of finding accommodation. The three of us. Perusing the various online estate agents and the rentals on offer. RightMove. Zoopla. YourMove. All had very similar offerings.

We found two potential goers. We called the agents and asked the standard questions. One was on Sheppey. An island just off the coast of Kent. I had never been on ‘The Island’. I’d heard about it – an interesting (🤨) place – from what I’d heard anyway. Mum and dad had been there many moons ago and said they quite liked the part they had visited. A positive then.

We headed out for a few hours to Chatham. Dad needed clothes. Baring in mind he came down to Kent for a one night stop over on Thursday the 14th with a suitable amount of clothes for that circumstance. A circumstance that had now changed rather drastically.

We got back home and dad said that he fancied heading out for dinner. Rochester. Don Vincenzo’s – a nice Italian restaurant that we have frequented in the past.

Dinner was lovely. Enjoyable. A nice time.

Still, at 8pm, the clouds began to gather again. This is something that I hope eases over the coming weeks. I guess, I’m the only one who has control over that.

22/02/19

Breakfast chat. Lots of discussion around the logistics and plan moving forward. The main difficulty was that we were unsure of what exactly it was we were planning for. We were working with minimal information at this stage. We did not even know the amount of time that we would require a rental for. However, we put a plan in place. As best we could with the information we had.

We decided to go and take a look at Minster. The part of ‘The Island’ that the prime rental contender was stationed. I was pleasantly surprised as we entered the area to not see any form of mutations. Be it human or animal.

The area was decent. The seafront was only round the corner. As were a pub and an Indian restaurant. My overall summation was that it could have been worse. A lot worse.

A decent day.

Football tomorrow. Tottenham v Arsenal. The big one. Doing something we love and have loved doing together for years. Hopefully it won’t be too cold and the result is a good one. #COYS.